When religions copy strategy

Recently we have had some Islamic 'tracts' pushed through our letterbox. Over the years we have often had Christian material delivered, but Islamic leafleting feels new (although we did have some last year, which I blogged about). It makes me wonder if whoever is distributing these Islamic tracts has seen Christians doing it and thought it would be a good idea to emulate. 

There was a particular design choice that caught my eye on one of the most recent leaflets. It stood out for two reasons. Here's the leaflet in question:

It was the little dude with a big red question mark. Firstly, I'm pretty sure that is a stock piece of clip-art. It looks like the kind of thing that features in bad PowerPoints. But secondly, the red question mark is a key design component of the Christian evangelism course called Alpha. That really does feel a little bit like trading on another religion's prosetylisation tool.

In answer to the rhetorical questions, the answer is 'No, not really.' But, if I had wondered, there was a QR code on the back that would connect me to a website where I could "Ask a Muslim" any questions I had. I am a bit curious to know whether anyone activates the QR code - that's trackable and could inform us whether anyone responds to getting a religious tract through the door. Ever. 

This tract didn't come alone. It also came with this list of instructions from God to humanity lifted from the Qur'an. The QR code on the back of this one would have taken me to an online version of the Qur'an. (Would that make it the QRan?)

Some of the instructions aren't particularly direct. It felt to me that they had decided they needed to have 50 and then were stuck trying to reach that number. Maybe 50 is an important number in Islam. I honestly can't recall hearing that before though. Or perhaps they are trying to be five times better than religions that only have ten commandments?

Maybe that weird religious mail is all just sensible marketing after all

After I posted recently about unsolicited religious mail (and how outlandish it tends to be), my friend Stewart (of late entry into the Christmas card audit fame) asked me if there was a possibility that I was on a database of people whose faith was "up for grabs".

That amused me. But then I thought about it and I thought, actually that would make sense. After all, marketing tends to work on  people who are susceptible to the product and anyone who has known me for any length of time will know I have an interest in religion. It makes a lot of sense to pitch religious ideas at people who are already known to have an interest. They are much more likely to buy into it.

I still don't know who sent me these

This is something that strikes me about the church planting craze. It seems to have slowed down a bit in Cardiff now, but one point it felt like people were moving here to plant churches every other week. But what I noticed from those is that a new church plant seemed to attract people who were already disaffected with their current church, or who were looking for a new experience, or who were between churches for whatever reason.

Having been a distant observer of my parents' church plant for a long time, I know that several of the "new" people who joined that church over time had come from other church traditions, or had moved from other areas and were looking for somewhere to call home. I don't know what the figures are for church plants comparing transfer growth with completely new conversions, but I bet the figures for transfer growth are higher than church planters would like to admit.

It's just simply easier to make sales to people who are already interested in the product. This is true of anything - it's why Amazon and other online retailers keep advertising stuff to you after you've bought something. I know people often say how stupid it is if, say, you buy a new headboard for your bed, and Amazon then keep targeting you with adverts for headboards. It does seem daft. Like how many of those will you need? But, what if you aren't happy with your purchase and decide to return it? There's a fail rate in all sales and those companies now know that you may be in the market again if your purchase doesn't work out. There's literally no other way of predicting who else would buy a headboard, so it makes sense to target that demographic.

Apply the same logic to religion, and every religious organisation looking to score 'sales' should be targeting people who are already religious, who may be feeling disaffected, alienated or bored by their current church, or even their current religion. It's got to be easier than convincing people with no interest in religion and who are doing fine without it.

So, maybe I am on a database somewhere. The question now is, how do I get off it?

Weird religious unsolicited mail volume 3

A few days ago we got a large envelope through the post addressed to "The Occupant" at our address. When I opened it, inside was a book about Islam and two booklets, all produced by an Islamic charity that is trying to win hearts and minds for Islam.

They are substantial publications and, as you would expect from something designed to persuade you to become a Muslim, they start from the preposition that Islam is the Truth and the best thing ever for all human beings. Any suggestion of repression or oppression in Islamic societies is all a big misunderstanding, you see.

The booklet about Muhammad has an interesting blurb on the back.

"There is no doubt that Muhammad matters." That's a unarguable starting point. It also struck me as being almost identical to what Christians would say on a booklet about Jesus. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not.

I don't know how the people who sent this to me got my address. Maybe they have been mailing the entire neighbourhood. Islamic unsolicited post is new to me, and this isn't the most random religious post I've received. In 2015 I got sent some photocopied pages of absolute batcrap loopiness that I'm still not a hundred per cent sure was serious. I blogged about it back then. Seriously, you have to read it.

Then in 2016, I got sent some Chick Tracts through the post. If you don't know what Chick Tracts are, they're ultra-fundamentalist evangelistic propaganda, mainly written by a guy called Jack Chick, that go beyond asking you accept Jesus into your life, and basically tell you that whatever you are interested in is inspired by demons. (Someone even turned a Chick Tract about demons running Dungeons & Dragons games into a horror movie called Dark Dungeons!)

I got sent three by someone, who decided to stay anonymous. They did helpfully write some advice on the back for me, though, recommending some books and telling me to have house meetings to discuss things. When I posted the pictures on Facebook someone else in my Friends list knew someone who had been sent something similar, so I don't think it was an isolated thing aimed at me personally.

I have to admit I haven't held any house meetings to discuss things. Years ago I read God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew. I'm not sure how it would help, unless I was embarking on a career smuggling Bibles.

There's a few common themes to all these mailings:
1) I don't know who sent them to me
2) I don't know how those people got my address and why they thought I would want to receive this information
3) Whoever sent them to me seems to think that sending unsolicited reading material through the post is the best way to engage me in their religious ideas
4) There has been no follow up (not that I want any)

I am sure that whoever has sent me these things has done it with the best of intentions. They want their truth to illuminate my life. Ultimately they want to save my soul. They may even feel that they are obeying a direct order from God. But if it's so important, it's a shame it's so ineffective.

The barmiest piece of unsolicited mail ever

Back when I worked in a faith-based family charity we had an elderly guy write to us pitching his book. His basic premise was that the church was dying out because Christians weren't having enough children. He felt this was an urgent problem that he could do very little about because, as he explained, he was 89, as was his wife who had been severely incapacitated by a stroke.

It was my job to write back to him and decline the pitch. The other thing I remember was he felt contraception was one reason Christians didn't have large families any more. The chapter title for that was "And the Devil Waved a Condom".

That was probably the craziest piece of unsolicited post I've ever been sent, until today, when I got this.

It's 16 pages of unconnected ramblings about God that seems to think it's proven the existence of the Almighty. The key 'proof' is that human beings have evolved and sources of food have evolved and the likelihood of both evolving is so unlikely there must be a God. Convinced, yet? No, me neither.

Here are some sample bits from the document. This is a very odd introductory semi-disclaimer.

Yes, why did you invent it? Well, anyway, I'm sure your Mum and Dad are proud. Then there's this non-sequitur...

Yes, you've dismissed the equation of God and so we need the electric chair. Huh? Next up there's some quality scientific reasoning.

It's about science! And then we have this last bit which has the most bizarre concluding sentence ever.

So, cats getting thirsty is evidence for God. I think. Who knows what he means there?

Anyway, the whole thing concludes with a plea for assistance in getting this published and given to every schoolchild in the land. Tempting as it is to get back in touch and see if there is any more laugh out loud nonsense to read, I don't have to (unlike devil-waving-condom guy), so I think I might let this pass.

Voting firsts

Election today. A couple of firsts for me...

First time voting in a UK-wide referendum. I have voted in two previous refferendwms (i.e. Welsh-only votes).

First time where I has a personal stake in the election, in that the Labour party have made a manifesto pledge to keep my project running. I like my job. Guess how I voted.

Also, another first - being handed three voting ballots. Never have I had to make so many X's!

I haven't done the usual run down of pre-election bumf. But to sum it up - the parties prefer writing to Cathy than to me, the Tory candidate looked like a slug, for some reason we got delivered Labour leaflets for another area's candidate as well as our own, the Liberal Democrats comments about the NHS were a pack of lies, Plaid Cymru had the scariest leaflet (about letting the Tories in through the back door!), the Greens thought Cathy was more likely to read than me (my mailing was a poster).

All good fun.

I love elections. I'd vote every year if we had to.

Credit crunch? Wot credit crunch?

I know the Credit Crunch™ is about banks loaning money to each other and not about consumer credit, but it still strikes me as funny that in the last couple of days I've received two credit card applications through the post.

Naturally I've given them both the 'Stop Killing Trees' treatment - ripping up all the bumf they've sent me and returning it in their prepaid envelope. The two recipients this time were Barclaycard and Citi. The Citi one in particular came with a load of junk like a booklet of terms and conditions, several smaller leaflets covered in more terms and conditions and their application form.

I imagine the thought processes in the marketing departments are 'everyone's worried about money - it's a good time to tempt them with some credit'. Or possibly 'oh crapola, people are starting to realise they can't put stuff on the never-never for ever, we'd better find some new suckers...'

Whichever way, they're getting their rubbish posted back to them.

Stop Killing Trees - the latest

I've sent another torn up credit card application back to Citifinancial. When will they get the message? This time I wrote "Stop Killing Trees!" in red marker pen on the back.

Seriously, if I set up a website devoted to returning junk mail to sender, would you sign up?

Now this is just irritating

I gave another junk mailer the Stop Killing Trees treatment yesterday, but how's this for annoying? It was an 'associate' from my credit card company asking me if I'd like to sign up to a scheme which would give me discounts like a third off at restaurants I don't go to and cinema tickets.

The first 3 months were free, but then they'd bill me annually at £69.99 to my credit card. For a third off cinema tickets, I'd need to go 35 times to get my money back. What a waste of space. As I ripped off my details and tore up the form ready to post back it made me wonder what kind of idiot would sign up for something this dumb.

My personal junk mail campaign

Another junk mail miscreant has been given the "Stop Killing Trees" treatment. My buddy Matt (of Life is Mootiful fame) has promised to print me some stickers.

The culprit this time is Citi Financial. I hope they like their credit card pre-approval form ripped up and sent back to them... I was particularly annoyed by the 16 page booklet they sent with the application form, which had four blank pages in the the back of it. Surely they could have printed a 12 page booklet instead?

If you'd like to join the campaign, I'm thinking of setting up a website.

that week went quick...

2 more things through the door yesterday from our friends the Liberal Desperates.

I also got a junk mail credit card application. I carefully tore out my name from the form, ripped it up and put the bits in the reply envelope. I wrote 'Stop Killing Trees!!' on the back and then posted it.

It's the only way we'll stop junk mail, I think.

Not so special offer

Sky TV keep mailing me with their special offer for live football, broadband and phone calls. And it seems very special until you read the small print and find you need to pay for a BT line as well, and a one off payment for a box, and phone calls at certain times, and so on.

And then there’s the bigger objection, which is Sky TV are bastards who, by giving money to the biggest clubs have made top flight football virtually unwatchable. Every season is billed as the most exciting yet, but the truth is the Premiership is about as formulaic and processional as a Formula One race. The biggest hype is reserved for the end-of-season rush for the last Champions League slot, which could go to anyone, but will inevitably be either Liverpool or Arsenal. Since when has finishing fourth been at all important, in any league, in any sport, in any country, ever? Since Sky.

Such are the diminished ambitions of the majority of football clubs - don't win anything, just get into the Champions League and earn enough money to fund next season's unsuccess.

Of course the Champions League is yet another example of TV money ripping the throat out of football and gorging itself on the still-warm blood of pseudo-competition. The European Cup it replaced used to be a contest of champions. Now it’s various big clubs from around Europe cashing in, regardless of whether they’ve won anything in their domestic league or not. The last “British” (don’t get me started) winners were Liverpool, who have never won the Premier League and were top English team most recently when Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister. In what way do they qualify as champions?

So, Sky TV, stop sending me junk mail. You’ve ruined football. It’s a boring soulless affair and I hate you for that. Why don’t you sod off back under a rock and get your clammy, undead hands off things that matter.