WARNING: DON’T SEE THIS FILM!
I’ve decided to start doing my film reviews in rhyming couplets, mainly for my own entertainment…
Terkel in Trouble
Last night I went to see a film for free
It wasn’t worth the entrance fee
So I left to avoid more pain
But that’s half an hour I won’t see again
Then today I got an email asking me for my opinion of the film. I thought I’d reproduce my feedback here for everyone to see:
Thank you for coming to the screening of Terkel in Trouble, we hope you enjoyed the film! We'd love to know your brief thoughts so please do take a moment to fill in this short feedback form.
Thank you very much.
Which screening did you attend? Cardiff
How full was the screening? Pretty empty
What are your thoughts on Terkel in Trouble?
It was so awful I left, along with my 3 friends, about half an hour into it. The plot was just rubbish, the dialogue was hard to understand and the whole experience was just horrible. At one point a character gets a fork stuck in her eye. If I'd had a fork I'd have been tempted to stick it in my own eye just so I didn't have to watch any more of the film.
I'd have left earlier except some of my friends thought the film would improve.
If there was any justice in this world the people who made this film would be lynched for crimes against animation. I mean what was the point of it? Was it a comedy - in which case it wasn't funny. Was it a serious piece about bullying - in which case it was just sick. Why was it so boring? Were the voices meant to be unintelligible? What was the point of the ridiculously violent episodes?
How would you describe the film to a friend?
I have already told everyone that this film is abominable. On the basis of this film it would seem that Al Qaeda are right and films ARE the work of satan. Except this was so shit even satan would disown it. If I really, really hated somebody I'd tell them to go see this film and then laugh till I puked.
Rating out of ten: One
Any further comments?
There's no zero on the rating so I had to give it a one.
That was generous.
If I go to hell when I die at least there's some consolation in that they won't be showing this film. Unless that is the new definition of eternal torment.