from Pantperthog to Knockando

Friday, August 18, 2006

Sensual blankets

One of the ‘joys’ of my job is proof-reading. Sometimes this throws up all kinds of interesting typos and the like. The problem is that I have a fairly ‘earthy’ mind and many of the people I proofread for are saintly, innocent individuals. It can be awkward explaining to someone that they’ve inadvertently included a euphemism in their document. (A genuine example would be: “My step-dad was sitting in my place on the sofa, so I pulled him off!”)

I’m currently trogging through a full-on marriage course which has been written especially for soon-to-be-stepfamilies. It’s the first of its kind in this country and, overall, is very good. But, there was one part of it that has caused us much amusement in our office. In the section on making your new sexual relationship ‘unique’, it recommends buying a “sensual blanket”.

A what?
I have to admit, despite my worldly, sexually-aware mind, that I’ve never heard of one of those. Neither has anyone else in my office. Eventually we googled it and discovered that there are shops that sell “sensual blankets”. How they differ from an ordinary blanket, I don’t know.

Helen my manager/colleague/partner in crime suggested that they’re made out of a particular material. I can understand this, because of the whole friction problem. Using the wrong sort of blanket could leave you with painful patches. Carpet burns are no fun, after all. Although, I’m not sure if you’re meant to be on top of the sensual blanket, or underneath it.

Anyway, Helen gets a phone call from Paula, and proceeds to ask her if she’s ever heard of sensual blankets. Paula hasn’t. Helen: “Well presumably the people who wrote the course have come across one.” (At which point I collapse in hysterics)

Oh, that could have been better phrased.

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