Long day in Belfast

Yesterday I had a 21-hour day that started with me having to get up in time for a 5.15am pick up from my house. A trip to Bristol airport and my first ever easyJet flight later and I was in Northern Ireland for the very first time.

The organisation I work for was running an event at the very swish Waterfront Hall in Belfast, but first we had a visit to our regional office in Lisburn. I've met the NI contingent a few times and they had NEVER told me that they had a coffee shop on the ground floor of their building. Good thing I work hundreds of miles away from those delicious tray bakes otherwise I'd be several stones tubbier!

The event itself was very good. Jeff and Kay Lucas were the speakers and they're both excellent communicators. Having been depressed myself, I particularly valued Jeff's honesty about how annoying Christians can be when you admit to being depressed:

"It seems you aren't living the victory!" "WELL, OBVIOUSLY NOT!" "What can we do to help you, brother?" "HOW ABOUT DISAPPEARING FOR EVER?"

I think I was luckier than most - I had sensible friends who knew that sometimes people get depressed and it is a real illness in the brain that needs to be treated properly. But I know where Jeff was coming from. It is hard to talk to otherworldly religious people about being slightly squiff in the head. And as a respected leader/speaker he might have felt that a lot more than a low-profile bodlike me.

After the evening came to an end we drove to the only Indian restaurant in the city that had agreed to stay open late. When we got there we discovered that someone who will remain nameless (not me!) had agreed to meet the Lucases at the front door of the Waterfront and forgotten them.

Eventually everyone got to the restaurant, and once we'd eaten we had the "short" trip to the Holiday Inn. I was quickly learning that when someone in Belfast tells you it's a 'short' trip that means 'the other side of the city, stopping at every traffic light on the way'. But we got there and, 21 hours after I got up, I gratefully collapsed into bed.

It's only a film

Today I've learned not to watch films like United 93 the night before I'm due to get on a plane. Especially as everyone on the doomed flight did what I do - ignore the safety instructions. At least one of my travel companions, Ms Marjorie, had seen the film too so we could agree that it wasn't ideal pre-flight viewing.

Er, okaaaaaaaaay.....

Listening to a talk this morning on Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego:

"Imagine being burned to death! It's unimaginable, isn't it!"

Animation review

Hoodwinked
As a big fan of animated films, I’ve been quite disappointed with the calibre of recent releases. But no more!

This is easily a contender for the best animated movie I’ll see this year. It has a decent script, clever jokes and a multi-dimensional approach to story-telling that was equivalent to the best episodes of Boomtown.

The story is really quite simple. At a woodland crime-scene an amphibian master-sleuth tries to work out what really happened to bring Little Red Riding Hood, her bound-and-gagged Grandma, a suspicious large talking wolf (who while definitely big, may or may not be bad) and a Germanic woodcutter together. It sounds weird, and it is, but it works. Throw in a yodeling goat, a genius spoof of xXx, a megalomaniac-but-cutesy confectioner, and the vocal talents of Patrick Warburton (who shines as the laconic wolf in his best role since Kronk in The Emperor’s New Groove), and Hoodwinked hits just about every button.

Jongudmund’s rating: 9/10

Titan A.E.
This was the film that almost sunk Fox Animation Studios until they bought Ice Age to dig the studio out of a financial black hole. Having finally gotten round to seeing it on DVD, I can see why it bombed, but that’s not to say it’s a completely bad movie.

The problem is this could never be a movie to appeal to kids, but because the script has been dumbed down to try and reach the kiddy market, the story has lost the narrative edge it needed. The overall concept – that the evil Drej have destroyed Earth and the last remnants of humanity must find the lost spaceship Titan in order to survive – is too epic for a commercial 2-D cartoon of this nature. But I sense that it could have worked if the film-makers had been left to produce the manga-inspired sci-fi adult ‘toon that they were no doubt aiming for.

Jongudmund’s rating: 4/10

Madagascar
Again, another cartoon I missed on general release. I borrowed the DVD off my bro, who insisted that I’d find it hilarious. And, much of it I did. Sacha Baron Cohen as the King of the Lemurs was hysterical – a combination of good lines and a weird accent – and the penguins were the undoubted stars of the film.

However, I found the main characters were a bit weak and one-dimensional. Melman the giraffe, for example, seemed to be in the film for one joke. He’s hypochondriac. Jada Pinkett-Smith as a hippo is under-used (she seems to have about three lines) and while Chris Rock’s zebra and Ben Stiller’s lion are more-rounded characters, there’s a certain lack of personality to them.

Overall, though, the film is pretty funny, although the theme of out-of-place animals is getting a bit tiresome now. Admittedly Madagascar started the trend, but Over the Hedge is funnier, and The Wild has better voice talent just in the Eddie Izzard-voiced koala.

Jongudmund’s rating: 6.5/10

Another post about spam marketing and stupid names

Another trawl through the bulk mail folder has revealed yet more names that have been especially selected to dupe unwitting idiots to open a spam email. I've done this twice now and it’s still entertaining.

How stupid would you have to be to open an unsolicited email from…
Bella Kimball
etti miguela
Ronda Dodd
Ottilia Hilliard
ramona cyril
shoshana flores
Nelly Mcbride
zozo momoh
Shavonda
Estella Mcnally
Jasper Buck
Zander Gonzales
Luciano Sprague
Lovetta Lavera

and what is the point of sending spam with one word ‘names’ like…
cowgirl
clang (!?)
cholera (!?!?!)

My favourite from this haul was jennifer bran, who sent me an email titled Sweeter Tasting Sperm. Mmm, yummy. What is the recipe?

Wales 3 Cyprus 1

I have to admit that the build-up to this game wasn’t promising. After a 5-1 home reverse to Slovakia on Saturday, this really was a must-win game. But, like Richard and Phil from my office, I had a gnawing feeling that it could be a disaster. Fortunately I was wrong.

Wales started brightly in a muted atmosphere. 20,000+ people in a regular-sized stadium would be quite a crowd. But in the echoing heights of the Millennium Stadium, it felt like there was no one there.

The score at half time was 2-0 to Cymru, but the biggest cheer of the night was reserved for the announcement that England had slumped to the same scoreline in Zagreb. Craig Bellamy scored his first goal as captain to put the Welsh three goals to the good, but then they got cocky and started passing the ball across the back line. It didn’t take long for the Cypriots to win the ball and score a decent goal to get themselves back in it.

Wales had a number of other good chances, including a penalty appeal, and hit the post twice, but 3-1 was a fair result, and a result they needed. Next up – a friendly against footballing superpower Liechtenstein (a country that shares an unlikely connection with Uzbekistan), at the Racecourse in Wrexham. I doubt I’ll bother with that one.

The Last Kiss

We had free tickets to this new film at Cineworld, which used to be UGC, and is now also known as ‘the mice cinema’. Despite the rodent problem, the screening was full. From the look of the people who turned up, it appeared that was because the students are back in Cardiff, and they don’t know about the potential exposure to cute furry vermin.

Featuring Zach Braff – hilarious in Scrubs and impressive in Garden State – I thought The Last Kiss was going to be a comedy. There were some funny moments – but it wasn’t a comedy. In that sense it was a bit like life. Sometimes you laugh. Sometimes you don't know whether you should laugh. And sometimes you scream obscenities at yourself while pounding the steering wheel of your car. Or maybe that’s just me and Zach Braff’s character in this film?

A lot of this film – which dealt mainly with relationship anxiety – rang true. Casey Affleck steps out from his older brother’s shadow and puts in a decent performance. Braff is perhaps too likeable, and too unconventional in his looks to get hit on the way he does, but I think he’s quickly becoming one of the best actors working today. The show-stealing star of the film, though, is undoubtedly Blythe Danner. Maybe I’m getting old, but she seemed a lot sexier than her younger co-stars.

Jongudmund’s rating: 7/10

Legoland

“You’ve never been to Legoland?” was Rowena’s incredulous question yesterday. Well, today I have and, apart from the many screaming grizzly children, it was well worth the visit. I particularly loved Miniland, with its scaled down version of London’s skyscrapers (and Caerphilly Castle too!), and I also spent a few quid in the Lego pic’n’mix shop.

We didn’t have to travel too far from Viv’s family home in Haddenham where we were staying for a long weekend. The weather was fantastic considering it’s October. It was even a bit too hot when we sat in the sun to watch the (fairly lame) Johnny Thunder stunt show, and I had to strip off down to my T-shirt. Plus, they had a Cinnabon – the only one in the UK! Mmm, cinnamon doughnut fingers…

I must admit though, I didn’t think that much of the actual Lego shops. The clearance outlet was especially disappointing; and the regular shops were charging top-of-the-range prices, but, bizarrely, didn’t seem to have the full range of product. Perhaps I know my Lego too well to be bowled over. The only kit I hadn’t seen before was the Death Star II set, which weighed an absolute ton and was apparently the size of a small child when assembled.

Legoland is very much a kid’s day out kind of place, and we got some odd looks as four adults going on the rides. Next time I’ll have to borrow some kids so I don’t look quite so weird. The other thing I noticed, and perhaps it’s because it’s the end of season, but a number of the external Lego models looked like they needed a good clean. There was a certain aura of tattiness around some parts of the park, which surprised me considering this is one of Lego’s flagship investments. However, the modelmakers centre and hall of fame was classily laid out, and I could have happily spent a good few hours more in there.

I know as a ‘very mature’ 30-year old, perhaps I’m not the demographic they’re aiming for. But as Cathy said, it would have been nice to have a few more historical exhibits. I would have loved to see some of the sets I remember so well from when I was a kid, like the Technic Arctic Explorers series, or the space base from the 80s that I adored.

Whether the next generation of kids will ever get nostalgic for Lego Spongebob Squarepants (I kid thee not!) only time will tell!

La Boheme

Last night I lost my opera virginity after “the Russes” bought us tickets to see the Welsh National Opera’s La Boheme at the Wales Millennium Centre (known to everyone who lives near to it as The Armadillo because it looks likes… well, a giant armadillo).

We arrived late and had to leg it up four flights of stairs to get in on time. I had a bit of a shock to find my boss sat on the end of our row. Elaine pointed out that he shouldn’t be sitting in the ‘cheap seats’ with the likes of us. The seats were very cheap – just a fiver, which made a night at the opera a much more affordable risk. At least this way if we hated it we could leave at the end of the first act. The good thing about sitting near the back is that we could get to the bar/toilets first in the interval. Score!

Another major plus were the subtitles in English (and Welsh!). Without them I would have been totally lost. The story is a romantic tragedy (hey! this is an opera) about a poet, Rudolfo, who falls in love with a sickly neighbour, Mimi, then tries to break up with her because he thinks that shacking up in his dilapidated flat is worsening her health. But it’s too late and she dies anyway.

In the car on the way home I pointed out that the whole thing should have been sponsored by British Gas as the main reason Mimi dies is because of a lack of heat. You could imagine an advert where someone explains the plot and someone chimes in smartly to say ‘they should have got British Gas’s super-duper home cover. It costs less than you think.’ The only problem is that the ad would only appeal to the 1% of the population who go to opera, but I suppose they might get the servants to investigate it further…

As to the performance itself – I’m not an expert on opera, but it seemed pretty good to me, especially with four reasonably long breaks in which to chat, which made it much more social than a night out at the cinema. It was a bit tricky to follow when the subtitles got out of sync with the songs a one point. The music seemed good (but I hadn’t heard it before so had nothing to compare it to), and the sets were superb. I tried to make a joke when the conductor came on stage for a bow at the end, saying “I don’t remember that character. Is he the vampire?” Sadly, Elaine thought I was being a bit of a dunce and started to explain that he was the conductor. Ho hum.

The message of the opera is that love overcomes, but obviously these ‘Bohemians’ with their free love and their poetry have to suffer the effects of their freedom (we can’t endorse immorality after all!). And so the poetry = poverty = death storyline acts as a warning against the bohemian lifestyle, with Mimi a victim not of love, which is virtuous, but of the selfishness of hedonism. Ho hum again. But I did like one stand out quote, when Mimi explains that “I don’t go to church much, but I pray to God a lot.”

The other stand out quote of the night was Elaine explaining that “You can move faster in high heels when you’ve had a drink…” Hmmm.

Boyhood hero becomes a rubber duck

I had an unexpected delight last night. I was taking a break from writing a new intro to my sci-fi novel and Cathy was watching CNBC when Conan O’Brien announced that his next guest would be none other than Mr T!



Apparently, after several years in the TV wilderness, Mr T is returning to the small screen with a “reali-T” show called “I Pity the Fool!” But this isn’t going to be your normal kind of reality show – “there’ll be none of that jibber-jabber!”

Conan did push him a bit though – accusing Mr T of laughing like a six-year old girl. He then hastily corrected himself: “a tough six-year old girl…” He also asked Mr T about merchandise including the Mr T rubber duck – perhaps the ultimate in rubber ducks based on tough guy actors?