Recap of the month - February 2023

This monthly round up is a bit late because the end of February and the beginning of March proved to be very busy with a work trip to North Wales, followed by adventuring to the eastern side of England - but there will be more about that when I review March!

I didn't blog much in February because it was a very busy footballing month, including a new milestone on the first Saturday when I travelled with one of my footballing friends called Paul to the Kassam Stadium in Oxford. This was my first visit to that football ground and it became the 100th ground I've watched football at since I started keeping a record of football matches in 1992. 

The Friday night immediately before hitting my century of grounds on the Saturday I went to Abergavenny Town's rather dilapidated old ground, which was my 99th ground where I've seen a game. On both the Friday and the Saturday I was supporting the away team - Barry Town and Shrewsbury Town - and both times the team I supported won 1-0.

In total I went to 8 games, which was a new record monthly total for February. In addition to Oxford and Abergavenny, I saw two games at different grounds in Port Talbot. The Viking ship on the Port Talbot Town logo caught my eye.

I went to two Barry home games, and saw Barry play a game in Taff's Well too. I dragged my buddy Connor along to one of the games at Jenner Park. It was the first time he'd seen them since before the pandemic.

I even had a trip to Caldicot where I saw my friend Ben play for Caldicot Town against Tredegar Town. 

Due to an injury crisis at the club, Ben was playing in an unfamiliar role at right back. Despite that his team won. 

It wasn't all football though. In the middle of the month, we had a lovely Saturday with my sister, Sarah, and her three kids. We met them in Bristol and visited The Wild Place, which is a well-planned zoo park with a variety of animals kept in nice environments. The highlight was the walkways through woods populated with lynx, wolves, wolverines and bears. The bears were hibernating but we were able to watch them snooze on the den-cam. (Even if they had been awake, you're not allowed to play with them anyway.)

I went back to Oxford for a second time later in the month, this time with Cathy. We stopped to have lunch with a friend on our way to Haddenham, which isn't too far away.  Our friend, Colin, had passed away and we were on our way to his funeral. 

We got to know Colin because we became good friends with his daughter, Viv, when we started attending the same church as her back at the start of the century. He was a kind, gentle man with a good sense of humour. He was also a skilled potter and he gifted us several ceramic items that will remind us of him. 

Colin's funeral was in the parish church of St Mary the Virgin in Haddenham. We had visited the church before, when Viv and Ian got married there just over 15 years ago. 

Outside the church is the village duck pond. This is an important cinematic landmark because it was the film location for the scene in The Great Muppet Caper when Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo land in the UK after being thrown out of the cargo hold of an aeroplane. I feel Colin would have appreciated that we stopped to take a selfie with it (see the picture at the top of the blog post).

Recap of the month - January 2023

January seemed to be over surprisingly quickly, meaning we are already one twelfth the way through 2023!

I followed my usual January tradition and published my Annual Christmas Card Audit. It got a very positive response and several people have said they want it to continue, so it might happen again...

I started the month with a week off work. We took the opportunity to have a day trip to Oxford where we met up with friends. On the way back we stopped at the outlet village in Swindon where I discovered a Haribo shop! 

I watched four football matches in January , starting on the bank holiday when I went to Llantwit Major for the first time to watch them play Barry. I went with my friend Paul and then met another friend called Paul at the ground. Here's a picture of me with Paul and Paul. 

The next Barry game I went to was with my friend Steve. It had been almost exactly a year since the previous time we had been to a football match together. 

It was also a milestone game for me. 

In the middle of the month I travelled to Llandudno Junction for work and called in to Shrewsbury on the way home to see my brother on his birthday and my mum on her birthday. On the Saturday I also saw Shrewsbury thump Cambridge 5-1. I blogged about the weekend that started off with me being threatened by a scary seagull.

The fourth game of the month was another new ground as I travelled west to watch Barry play Llanelli Town. It wasn't a great game of football, but I was amused that the sole vegetarian option on sale in the cafe was a pot noodle. Fortunately, I'd driven over early with Paul and Tom and we found a cafe for lunch. 

And finally, I felt pleased that I kept up my 'Toy of the Day' posts on Instagram. The most popular post was this photo of a vintage action figure of Face from the A-Team that I posed next to a photo of me with Dirk Benedict, who played Face in the A-Team. (Here's the blog about when I met him back in 2010!)

Grief recedes as the new shape of the world becomes normal

I recently read this article by Mary-Frances O'Connor on the website Behavioural Scientist: Walking in the Dark: Creating a New Virtual Map in Your Brain After Loss. In the article, she explains how our brains create heuristic short cuts that allow us to navigate the world. We mentally construct routes through physical space, and experiences, based on what occupies that space. 

When something is removed from the physical environment, it takes a while for our brains to catch up. We still 'expect' the thing to be there for some time after it has gone. That's why we can often miss landmarks when they are demolished, or feel a little bit lost when a favourite shop closes. 

Mary-Frances O'Connor applies that to grief as well. In addition to mapping the physical environment, our brains also 'map' our social and emotional landscapes. So when someone is removed from that landscape it takes a while for our brains to adjust to their absence. Depending how big a role they play in our lives, it takes longer for our brains to fill in the 'hole' they leave when they die. 

So we experience a dissonance between the world we 'know' in our minds and the world as it really is - we are walking through two different worlds for a while. 

It's not quite as poetic as the description of grief being "love, persevering" that surprised me in the Marvel TV series Wandavision, but I found it a very helpful explanation for the process of grief. More importantly, it helps me rationalise the recession of grief with the passing of time. My brain is learning the new shape of the world without the people I love in it. I'm not a bad person for not missing them so much. I'm re-mapping the world.

There are still moments when I am reminded of the way the world was. During our recent week holidaying in Shropshire, I had an opportunity to visit my Dad's grave, and also the Shrewsbury Town Memorial Garden. 

I find the garden, with the little plaque saying 'Promoted to Glory' (an old Salvation Army phrase that my Dad would have liked) stirs the emotion of loss more than visiting the grave. 

It's not hard to explain why I find the memorial at the football ground more meaningful than the cemetery. I never went to the cemetery with my Dad. I didn't even know it was there until after he died. But I went to the Meadow with him several times. It was one of the places I saw him on the last day I saw him alive.

With a lump in my throat I said 'Well. Dad, here we go again. First home game of the season. I'll give them a cheer for you.' (That was something he used to say, if I was going to a game and he wasn't.)

It proved to be a nostalgic week really. Seeing the Llangollen Railway in reduced circumstances was sad for two reasons - I remember going there with Dad. Even going to the flower show brought back memories of us all going as a family. Dad would have had an opinion on the various problems the organisers were dealing with like having to cancel the evening fireworks display.

Relearning the way the world works takes time. There are still moments when I see something that makes me think of him. Back in May I saw a tote bag in the Ashmolean Museum gift shop that said "History Buff" on the side, and it would have been a perfect gift for him. 

And that made me sad, because I would have bought it back when he was alive and he would have thought it was funny. He always loved the t-shirt we got him with a picture of a trilobite on it saying 'Shropshire fossil'. My brain recognised it as being a good potential present, and still hadn't learned that I don't need to buy funny gifts for my Dad any more. 

My brain is catching up, though. Every time I get caught out by something that triggers an unexpected pang of grief, that's a learning point for my brain. The new world slowly gets mapped and the empty space is slowly filled. 

May 2022 - a month of bumpy beginnings

I had a week off after leaving my previous job before starting my new job. We did plenty of stuff, including a trip to Oxford to see a friend. We had some time to wander around Oxford includng a very brief look into the Ashmolean Museum.

We also saw the Bridge of Sighs. Here's Cathy stood under it to give an indication of its size.

We really liked the gargoyles on Brasenose College. This owl really caught my eye. He looks like he's pumped!

And there was some modern cultural artwork in the shopping centre.

Unfortunately, I came back from Oxford with a respiratory memento.

Yes, over three years into the pandemic I finally caught the 'rona. I felt pretty rough with it for a few days, with a raspy cough and feeling like I could not fully inhale air into my lungs. 

Unfortunately, the timing meant that I couldn't go into the office on my first day. I spent my first week and a bit logging into meetings virtually. It wasn't the way I wanted to meet my new team but everyone was kind about it. I am slowly getting a handle on the new ecosystem I am working in now. It's a slightly odd feeling, leaving behind a work context I really understood and having to learn a new one.

In football terms, I missed a few games while isolating. I still made it to four games either side of having covid. The month started with the Welsh Cup final, which had quite an exciting end as Penybont scored twice from 3-0 down and were pushing for an equaliser at the very end of the game. But TNS held on and were crowned 'pencampwyr'.

As a bonus, when I logged into Futbology, I got a badge for being at a cup final!

There was another cup final at the end of the month. I've been to see Cardiff Draconians a few times this year. After the league campaign ended, there were some league cup fixtures. The Dracs progressed through to the final, which was held up at the Bont in Penydarren. That was a new ground for me so I drove up after work.

The Dracs were posing in the goalmouth before the game.

But it was Trethomas Bluebirds who lifted the trophy.

Sadly, I was having a problem downloading the update for Futbology so no 'badge' for me at this cup final. I did, however, have the most marvellous chips from the New Dolphin fish bar in Caeharris, which is up the hill and then up again from the ground. 

And despite the enforced break from going outside for both me and Cathy (who tested positive a few days after I did), we still managed to see the Snoopy statues on the Dog's Trail. I'm going to post a load of selfies at some point, but for now, here we are outside a toy shop in the Queen's Arcade.