What happened to the tambourines?

When I was a kid Sunday mornings were a bit of a dash trying to get into the car and to church by 10am. Dad always had a bag of stuff he needed to talk to people about, like creationist comics to give to the kids, we all took a Bible for some reason, and usually just as we were leaving my mum or dad would suddenly cry out ‘Have we got the instruments?’

The ‘instruments’ were mum’s tambourine and my dad’s – wait for it – triangle, and possibly a couple of other things like shakers. The church we went to was very interactive and a lot of people brought along similar things to join in with the music.

I’m not sure when this stopped. I can’t put a date on when we weren’t scrabbling around looking for wherever we had dumped the plastic bag with the instruments in after church the previous week. But at some point it stopped being the fashionable thing.

It’s odd that we took them at all. We weren’t a particularly musical family, despite my parents’ good intentions in trying to get me and my brother learning to play the piano and the trumpet respectively. My dad literally never put a record on. Even now I have never known him to sit down and listen to music or even have it on in the background.

Dad’s non-musicality is why he had the triangle, running on the debateable theory that you don’t need much musical ability to master it. He used to ping it at key points in the more upbeat songs – usually whenever ‘Jesus’ or ‘Lord’ appeared in a song line. I suspect he also liked the fact that he was the only triangle-player in the congregation. Lots of people had shakers and tambourines. He was unique.

The ‘joining in with the music’ thing seems to have passed. I think this is possibly because of the higher expectations people have now of musicians in churches. Back in the 80s, in a charismatic non-denominational church, the ‘worship’ was fairly simple. There would be one or two acoustic guitars, a keyboard for the older hymns that were written for the organ and didn’t translate very well to acoustic guitars, and maybe a person leading the singing.

Gradually new instruments were added to the mix. First electric guitars and basses, then a drum-kit, then whatever else people played – some churches effectively have brass and string sections. The music is much more rounded out and enhanced by proper PA systems. Instead of just a couple of loudspeakers at the front, there are now amps all around the room.

As the ‘worship’ has grown from what was once quite amateur to something much more professional, maybe people don’t want to join in as much. Sometimes it does feel that you have Christian songs performed at you. Taking your own instruments might feel a bit silly now. ‘Make a joyful noise’ is no longer the mantra of churches like the one I grew up in.

Still, the old ways are hard to kill off. My brother told me recently that he was just about to welcome everyone to a Sunday service he was leading when he noticed the woman in the second row immediately behind his seat had brought her own acoustic guitar and was obviously planning to play along.

He had never met her before and I think he recognised that it takes a certain kind of person to turn up at a church for the very first time with your own guitar ready to join in. So he didn’t say anything to her except Hello.

The Online Influence #Oi14 Conference – some bits that stood out

Yesterday I attended the Oi (Online influence) Conference in Cardiff. Here are some bits that struck me as useful during the day. I have tried to include one quote and one tip, although not everything on the programme made the cut here.

David Hieatt, Hiut Denim, Keynote speaker

Quote: “It’s your job to make your ideas happen. No one else will.”
Tip: Fail fast. If something doesn’t work, kill it quickly and try something else.

Dennis Bree & Dave Shaw – Twitter masterclass

Quote: “Twitter is the live second screen.”
Tip: Plan for the ‘moment’ and be ready to act on it.

Diana Memic & Michael Complojer - Google+ masterclass

Quote: “Everyone is posting into a noisy space.”
Tip: When posting, pause and clarify your goals.

Dan Spicer – Hootsuite masterclass
Quote: “Do one platform really well, not five badly.”
Tip: Empower your team and turn all staff into advocates for your brand on social media.

James Eder – Student Beans, Keynote
Quote: “Stop marketing and start mattering.” (I really liked this line!)
Tip: Face-to-face is costly, but incredibly valuable.

Michael Brackpool & Ben Hackett – Brandwatch masterclass

Quote: “Just because you have a larger haystack doesn’t mean you’ll find more needles.”

Tip: You need to know if negative comments are significant.

 

Five reasons The Lego Movie is awesome

Cool poster; cool film

This post contains spoilers

1) It’s clever
The movie is well-animated with lots of little blink and you miss them jokes. There are also deeper jokes – the inanity of prime-time TV is spoofed by the hit TV show ‘Have you seen my pants?’ which revolves around a pantless (trouserless in the UK) guy asking his wife ‘Honey, have you seen my pants?’ repeatedly. As satire on sitcoms that rely on stupid catchphrases to get laughs, it’s spot-on.

2) It’s got superheroes (and other heroes)
Forget the hype of big-screen Batman v Superman. If you want to see DC superheroes together on the big screen, The Lego Movie got there first. The film royally rips the mick out of Batman’s ‘darkness’, while Green Lantern’s is mercilessly Green Lampooned!

There are also brief bonus cameos from Han Solo, Chewbacca, Lando Calrissian and C-3PO – the latter two voiced by authentic Star Wars actors Billy Dee Williams and Anthony Daniels. Plus there’s the space slug from Empire Strikes Back!

3) It’s got an interesting point to make about creativity and order
The main plot of the Movie concerns evil President Business’s plan to set the world of Lego using the magical relic the ‘Kragle’. Once set, people won’t be able to move and people won’t be able to spoil his stuff. Opposing him are the ‘master builders’ who see the potential to create new things from the Lego buildings, vehicles and street furniture around them.

There is a conflict here between the oppressive rulers who want everyone to follow the instructions and conform – the hero Emmet actually reads out the ‘Instructions on how to fit in and be like everyone else’ at the start of the movie – and the freedom of the master builders to remake the world how they see fit. It’s an interesting exploration of the age-old tussle between conservatism and innovation, and that’s a good theme for a kid’s movie.

4) It’s been flamed by Fox “News”
Personally, I think anything that attracts the ire of Fox “News” is automatically A Good Thing. In this case one Fox “News” pundit lambasted The Lego Movie for being anti-capitalist. They said the same thing about The Muppets too. Their gripe is that business tycoons are being cast as villains, even though they create jobs and wealth.

Of course, Fox “News” is going to side with the mega-rich and look out for the interests of tycoons rather than ordinary folks. What Fox “News” don’t realise is that there is a reason why tycoons make such effective villains – we have seen enough terrible anti-social behaviour from the feral rich to believe they would destroy the world (or at least knock down valuable cultural heritage like the Muppet Theatre).

And it’s telling that in The Lego Movie, President Business would rather employ an army of robots than real people, much like the downsize kings of the business world, in fact.

5) It’s full of cult Lego references
Cathy almost jumped out of her seat when there was a glimpse of Fabuland at one point. One of the best characters is Benny the blue 80s spaceman, who is obsessed with building spaceships. (At one point one character tells him to ‘Get your retro space pieces away from me.) There are numerous cool Lego characters from the mini-figures range popping up in crowd scenes.

If you love Lego, then it’s hard not to love this movie. If you don’t love Lego, I think you will like it anyway. It’s well worth a watch.

The dark heart of Disney’s The Lone Ranger

This post contains spoilers...
I wasn't prepared for The Lone Ranger. The trailers made it look like an enjoyable romp through the old West, with derring do, gunfights, wisecracks, chases along train carriages and so on. It had all that, it’s true, plus Johnny Depp on brilliant form. But there was an unexpected darkness at the heart of the film.

I wasn't expecting a scene of cannibalistic murder committed by an outlaw. Or the wholesale slaughter of Comanche warriors under the rattling clacks of Gatling guns. These were interspersed with moments of levity that felt inappropriate.

As the Indians are massacred by machine guns, Tonto and the Lone Ranger are stuck on a pump truck being gained on by a train – a scene that is comic in itself, especially for the way the characters interact. However, juxtaposed as it was with the scenes of one-sided warfare, it felt wrong to be laughing at the main characters’ predicament.

Similarly the murderous villainy of the leader of the outlaw gang, Butch Cavendish. In the past it would only be necessary for him to line his pistol with the forehead of the mortally wounded Texas Ranger that he kills, and pull the trigger. The report of the pistol would be enough, with maybe a view of the corpse to establish that he is definitely dead.

Considering this was released by Disney, with toys in the Disney store (and a large Lego tie-in range as well), to have Cavendish finish off his Ranger victim by cutting out his heart and eating it was fairly horrific. Admittedly most of this happens off-screen, but he is handed a napkin by one of his goons afterwards to wipe away the blood from his mouth.

I’m not necessarily against extreme violence. I watched Dredd and the two Kill Bill films and despite the violence being brutal, appreciated the merit of including it. There was no merit to including this scene in The Lone Ranger. It didn't add to the drama. Seeing his brother executed at close range by a bullet to the head would have been enough to make Dan Reid seek understandable vengeance as The Lone Ranger.

Equally, it messed up the rest of the story, as we connect the dots between the outlaw leader and the other villains of the piece. Despite being the kind of guy who eats a lawman’s heart, Cavendish is quickly incorporated into the entourage of a bigger enemy, and from then on seems a lot less menacing.

Outside the law he is wild and savage, but it’s hard to take him seriously when he is supposed to be part of a bigger plan. It just doesn't work. He is too far gone down the path of brutality to be relied on by an intelligent criminal. And that’s a shame, because the link between Cavendish and his partners and Tonto pulls the film together well.

So, what is left in the film? The chase sequence at the end is brilliantly ludicrous and convoluted and highly enjoyable. Unfortunately, this only served to highlight how darkly drawn the preceding almost two hours had been. Helena Bonham Carter is woefully under-used but is pure comic joy when she is on-screen. The landscapes are gorgeous, shot mainly in Utah among the sandstone mesas and canyons that I fell in love with when I went there. (In fact, point worth noting, this wasn't filmed in Texas at all!)

The film also asks plenty of interesting questions, particularly in its portrayal of the Cavalry. The use of Government military strength to back up the expansionist plans of industry against the natural inhabitants of the land has parallels with the oil-grabs in Iraq following the US-led invasion. The ethical questions surrounding the decimation of the indigenous peoples by 'civilisation' aren't answered here, but they are at least asked.

The opening device and introduction of Tonto as one of history’s most unreliable narrators is a nice touch as well. The opening scene is set in 1933 when these events have already passed into history, folklore and legend, and that’s clever because it legitimises these events as having a factual basis.

The Lone Ranger is considered a bit of a flop by Disney’s standards. It’s not hard to see why. It’s clearly unsuitable for children. It’s long – with a running time of 143 minutes. And it only really comes alive with the chase sequence at the end. Bits of it were very enjoyable, but it was too bleak in places and never really answered its own moral questions.

How I doubled my workspace... on a smaller desk.

This is not hyperbole. I recently went from one computer monitor to two and it has changed my life.
 
Because I can flick between windows much faster, it has made working out of multiple documents much easier. Web content in particular is easier to sort out. I have told several people that I don’t think I could go back to having just one screen.

So why has this one simple change made an impact. Very simply it’s because desk-space isn’t workspace. Following two moves in rapid succession around our office, my desk space has shrunk. But I haven’t noticed, because, really, what work does anyone do on a desk anymore?

I can think of two things I do on the desk – if I do a phone interview and am writing notes, and if I print off a large document to proofread. Almost all my other work I do on my screen.

If I’m creating a new written piece I open a new Word doc. If I’m collating research and ideas, then I’m more likely to fire up Google than anything else. If I’m curating content, then I’m looking at on-screen material. If it’s online, then it’s on-screen and most of what I do is online or will end up there. Even documents that we print have an online life and it seems anything with an online life is on-screen work for the most part.

Culturally, we have moved from horizontal workspaces (the top of the desk) to vertical workspaces (the screens on desk-top PCs), but we still don’t think in those terms. I’ve realised that my screens are my workspace, and having an extra screen doubles the space I have to work in, despite having a smaller desk to put them on.

The next step is to add a third screen and see whether I gain the same amount of additional functionality again. I suspect the law of diminishing returns will come into play, with less benefit from each additional screen.

What would that upper limit be? Four screens? Six?  Could I build an in-office IMAX, or will I run out of desk to put the screens on first?

The Hobbit part two, from a disappointed reviewer

SPOILER ALERT – lots of detail from the film included.

The Hobbit part 2 has been out for a while. I saw it just before Christmas. It’s hard really to articulate how I feel. On the one hand, it’s the Hobbit, it’s Middle Earth, I ought to like it, but on the other hand it was long, clunky, and daft.

I’m not the world’s biggest fan of the book of The Hobbit, but I can see how it could translate to the screen as an adventure story. The book is fast-paced, funny, intriguing, and carries you along with it to the final battle. The films so far have lost that sense of pace and fun. There is more danger, and this episode of the trilogy lays on the peril with a trowel, starting with Thorin being told he has a death mark on his head, written in the Black Speech, no less.

The thing Peter Jackson doesn’t seem to get about The Hobbit is that the book of The Hobbit concentrates on, er, the hobbit. That’s the point of the story – it’s about Bilbo being unexpectedly recruited for a dangerous quest and contrary to his own and everyone else’s expectations, becoming a hero on the way.

But the film isn’t about the Hobbit at all. Bilbo seems incidental to most of the activity. Instead we have various sub-plots involving Elven warrior maidens being attracted to dwarves, the return of Sauron in a ruined fortress, and the oppression of the good, honest poor people of Laketown by an autocratic ruler.

The bits of the film that are quite good are the bits that are in the book: the Mirkwood spiders, Beorn, the escape from the Elven kingdom in barrels, and the conversation between Bilbo and Smaug the Dragon. But those bits don’t get much screen-time. In fact, the dwarves’ imprisonment – several weeks in the book while Bilbo figures out how to get them out – is reduced to an overnight stay and Bilbo working out the escape route in a matter of seconds.

The bits between those authentic parts of the story, in contrast, seem to drag. The quest was difficult enough without the introduction of a snarling orc leader tracking the dwarves, for reasons that probably were spelled out at some point, but I yawned and missed it.

There are some good bits – Sauron materialising in Dol Guldur from the pupil of the lidless eye was well-rendered – but they are few and far between. Instead we have a load of sentimental tosh designed to make the story more Hollywood. Tauriel, a veteran Elven warrior, barely claps eyes on one of the dwarves before she is smitten in the most unlikely romance ever.

There are other things that make the film suck too. I’m sorry to do this to Stephen Fry, but his ‘performance’ as the Master of Laketown was one-dimensionally pompous. And the bigger problem is that he was obviously playing Stephen Fry, the QI quizmaster host, albeit with the ‘lovable’ setting dialled down. I was half expecting a klaxon to sound and one of his minions have points deducted for saying something wrong or too obvious.

The film didn’t need Legolas either. Or rather, if you did include him, include him in a knowing cameo inside the Elf citadel, maybe commenting on how he would never trust a dwarf. And then we could all smile to ourselves, because, of course we know what’s going to happen later and the friendship he would forge with Gimli. Instead, he is over-used as a cross between a ninja and the Green Arrow, slaying orcs left, right and centre.

We also have a ridiculous escape plan inside the Lonely Mountain, where furnaces that have not been fired for years are lit and instantly produce a river of molten gold for Thorin to ride on in a wheelbarrow. I’m no metallurgist, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how blast furnaces work and it’s impossible to ride molten metal like that. Not only did it not make sense, but it looked like a sequence crafted solely for inclusion in a computer game of the movie. And not even a good computer game. A shitty platformer churned out to cash in on the movie.

Now, I know at this point, you could be forgiven for saying,‘Well, it’s a fantasy movie, it doesn’t have to be real.’ And I’d agree to a point. I can forgive the highly unlikely barrel ride, even though that stretched the bounds of credibility. But the ‘it’s only fantasy’ doesn’t work. If you have created a universe that is supposed to be real, it has to have a certain level of authenticity, otherwise you could just make up any old crap. Why bother with the wheelbarrow? Why not just have Thorin surf the molten gold in a pair of magic ski socks knitted by Beorn from his shape-changing eyebrows? It makes as much sense.

The Hobbit is a well-known, much-loved book, with an existing fanbase that any movie can tap into. So, my main question is, why does Peter Jackson cock this up so badly? I know I’m inviting the charge that I haven’t directed any Hollywood adaptations, so what do I know. But that’s the thing, having watched this, I’m not sure what I could do to wreck the story any further.

The big 2013 Christmas Card Audit

I did this for the first time last year, and that means I can be all uber-geeky and do like-for-like comparisons. I have further subdivided the themes to throw further light on what Christmas means in the minds of the people who make Christmas cards, and the people who buy them.

(Of course, it's not a truly scientific sample as it's based only on the people who gave us Christmas cards. If you're one of them, thank you.)

Total number of Christmas cards: 97 (last year's figure: 104)
Hand-made / home-produced cards: 7 (6) plus two designed by kids and printed by schools
Cards with magnets on: sadly none (last year: 1)

Cards sold in aid of charity: 44 (42)
Of which...
Traidcraft cards: 5 (down from 6 last year)
Oxfam cards: None (2 last year)
Main charity represented: Diabetes UK with 5 cards.
Total number of charities represented: 62 (up from 40 last year). This includes one card that raised funds for 30 different charities.
Marks and Spencer cards (new category): 12

Themes
Religious-themed cards: 33 (down from 37)
Cards featuring the Nativity: 15
The following Christmas story 'characters' appeared on cards too:
Three kings: 5 (down from 9)
The shepherds: 4 (up from 2)
The star of Bethlehem: 2 (up from 1)

Other themes (new categories asterisked)
'Peace': 2 (down from 4)
Santa: 10 (compared to 6 in 2012) plus one that was just several Santa hats
Penguins: 3 (down from 5)
Various cartoon bears: 2 (down from 12 bears in 2012)
Dogs in Santa Hats: None this year! (2 last year)
*Deer/reindeer: 6
*Christmas decorations: 4
*Christmas trees: 5
*Robins: 3
*Mistletoe: 2
*Winter scene/scenery: 7
Messages
Cards that mention 'Christmas' on the front: 35 (down from 45)
Like last year, many of the religious-themed cards don't mention Christmas on the front.

So, that's it. Fewer cards, but more charity fundraising cards - aren't our friends lovely - with a mix of themes. A third have a religious theme and a third mention 'Christmas' on the front, with some overlap, but still the religious elements of the midwinter holiday haven't quite faded away.

Farewell 2013

Normally I wait and do my review of the year in January, but what the hey. These are my personal 'cultural' highlights for 2013.

Best book read
My friend Jo gave me Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck in our book group secret Santa last year, which I loved. It's an account of his road trip around America with his dog Charley. I learned a lot from it and laughed a lot at it. Thoroughly recommended. I've since read two more Steinbeck classics, including Cannery Row, which I found very engaging. It has a large number of true-to-life characters and felt very real, as it described life in the rough end of Monterey down with the hobos and whore-houses.

Other books of note: The Hydrogen Sonata by Iain M Banks - the last Culture novel, following Banks's tragic early death from cancer. Not as good as Surface Detail, but I liked it. Trautmann's War by Catrine Clay was an interesting analysis of the rise of Nazism, told through the lens of Bert Trautmann, the Manchester City footballer who grew up in Germany in the 1930s.

Best film
Two great animated films came out this year, Monsters University and Frozen. Monsters U is a prequel to Monsters Inc, which I have loved since it came out a decade ago. I thought it was very clever and there were several curveballs throughout that I wasn't expecting. The ending was very mature as well, with the main characters having to live with the consequences of their actions, rather than a Hollywood 'all is forgiven' restorative ending. Frozen was excellent too, and probably edges it. Again, there is quite a mature ending around the definition of an act of true love. Plus one totally stand out song sung by a snowman brought to life by magic, which made me laugh out loud.

Other films of note: Philomena was a tough watch, but a very powerful story with interesting things to say about institutional religion and genuine forgiveness. Girl Most Likely was a quirky Indie offering with some great performances that had an emotional resonance.

Best music
I was fortunate to see my favourite band, The Tragically Hip, live twice in London in July. But the best gig I went to this year was seeing The Avett Brothers live in Manchester in February. we discovered the Avett Brothers in the most bizarre way - Cathy saw them on the TV show Ace of Cakes, listened to them on Spotify and we have subsequently bought most of their albums. They were excellent in concert, with a livelier, rockier feel than I was expecting.

Other music of note: On our summer holiday in Cornwall we went to the organ concert at Truro Cathedral. There was one piece, called Fiat Lux (Let there be light), which gave me synaesthesia - by which I mean when I closed my eyes I could 'see' lights and movement, as if the stars were appearing.

Best TV
There has been only one show for me this year - Elementary. Johnny Lee Miller is brilliantly dark, comic, and tragic by turns, as Sherlock Holmes recovering from addiction in modern day New York. Lucy Liu is understated but never underplayed as his sidekick. The show can be slightly formulaic at times, but steers away from the worst of American drama clichés. Introducing Rhys Ifans as Mycroft Holmes in the second series has been a good move as well. It is the only show I make a point of trying to watch on the night its aired.

Other TV of note: I haven't watched much else, really. I found Doctor Who disappeared up its own backside too much this year, although the 50th anniversary special was good, but that's mainly because of John Hurt. The final IT Crowd episode was quite funny, but didn't really hit the heights of some of the early episodes.

Best place visited
There have been a few new places this year. I enjoyed going to both Truro and Wells Cathedrals. I also went with my friend Connor to the British Museum in-between Tragically Hip gigs, where we visited the Coins in the Bible exhibit, which I found fascinating. I learned where the term 'Widow's Mite' comes from. On our holiday in Cornwall we stayed in Flushing, near Falmouth and visited several places we had never been to before. The absolute highlight was visiting a lighthouse that was used as the external location for Fraggle Rock!

Best toy / model / collectible
The Boba Fett collection has expanded to over 50 figures now, and the Black Series 6" figure I bought just before Christmas is probably one of the nicest action figures I've ever bought. However, my toy of the year is the Lego VW Camper Van that Cathy and I bought and built on our wedding anniversary. It took us over six hours and the resulting model is a thing of beauty. I blogged about it here.

So, on the cusp of 2014, that's not a bad year, really.

Creative writing - list of stories and other stuff I've written

I have decided to chuck all the links to my creative writing in one post, which I will update as and when.

Short stories

Welcome to Chillsville

Beckham TM

Lost in Splott

Family Ties

Seasonal

Christmas Journey

Angel's Delight

Zodiac Team extracts

Victorious Earth (Background)

The Beginning

Scorpio's Story

Meeting in the Mess

Poems

All or Nothing

Winter Morning

Angel Voice

Big fat film review - 7 films. I'll be brief I promise.

Here are some thoughts on 7 films I've seen recently. There are mild spoilers throughout.

The Way, Way Back
I went to see this at Chapter with my friend Nigel. It's an American family drama about a boy called Duncan who goes on holiday with his mum, his mum's domineering new boyfriend, Trent, and Trent's daughter who is a couple of years older then Duncan. Steve Carell plays Trent. It's a straight role, and I wish he played more 'straight' roles because he is excellent in this as a passive aggressive bully who lectures Duncan on how relationships are founded on respect while at the same time belittling him.

Duncan then ends up at a run-down water-park away from the beach when he meets Owen played by Sam Rockwell, who doesn't take life too seriously. At first the wise-cracking Owen seems like one of life's wasters, but then as the film wears on, it becomes apparent that he has more depth to him, and through offering respect to Duncan is a better role model than Trent. The acceptance and trust that Owen places in Duncan transforms Duncan from a shy teenager to a young man.

The film has moments of real quality. There is a strong supporting cast including Toni Collette as Duncan's mum, Alison Janney and Amanda Peet.

Stand-out scene: Owen intervenes when Trent verbally assaults Duncan, simply by standing between them. Trent, a bully by nature, isn't going to get involved in a fight he might not win, so backs off, revealing his true cowardly nature.
Rating: 7/10

The Adjustment Bureau
This is a couple of years old and Cathy and I watched it on TV. Matt Damon plays David, an aspiring politician who meets a professional dancer, Elise, played by Emily Blunt. They fall for each other, but mysterious 'agents' of the 'adjustment bureau' intervene to keep them apart. The bureau exists to make sure that people adhere to the plan for their life.

David and Elise are not meant to be together and the agents track them to make sure they don't meet up. It's a weird concept and there are plenty of interesting points to make about fate, love and choices. If David and Elise stay together they will miss out on their destinies to become President and a world famous dancer, respectively. What choice will they make?

I could see how the metaphysical questions would put many people off. I thought it was fascinating. The film is excellently shot and Matt Damon and Emily Blunt are both brilliant in it. Yes, the story is weird. All was almost explained though when 'Based on a short story by Philip K. Dick' came up at the end.

Stand-out scene: David is told humans were given the freedom to decide their own fate and it all went horribly wrong. So 'The Chairman' (a thinly veiled reference to God?) retook control.
Rating: 8/10

Philomena
I went to see this with Cathy - she got free tickets, somehow. It's not a film I'd have gone to see otherwise, which would have been a shame. Steve Coogan stars as real-life journalist turned spin doctor Martin Sixsmith, reeling after being sacked from his job advising the government. Trying to get back into work, he takes a 'human interest' story when he is introduced to Philomena Lea, played by Judi Dench.

Philomena was 14 and pregnant in mid-century Ireland. As a result she was sent to live in a convent, where she had the baby and worked in the laundry to earn her keep. When her boy, Anthony, was three, the nuns sold him to a childless couple from America. She asks Martin to track her down.

It's safe to say the nuns do not come out of this film in a good light. Obsessed that Philomena 'enjoyed her sin' they with-held all information from her for years, destroying their records so that she and other women wouldn't be able to trace their children. A trip to America uncovers Anthony's life, but the story's resolution is, amazingly, back in Ireland.

Considering the story is based on Martin Sixsmith's real-life experience of investigating what happen to Anthony Lea, he is remarkably honest about his own flaws. He doesn't come out of the film as the hero. Steve Coogan plays the role dead straight and is very, very good. There's an emotional punch at the end that I found very hard to take.

Stand-out scene: Philomena watches home movies of Anthony's life and we, the audience, discover the lies she has been told before she does.
Rating: 8/10

The Eagle
I watched this on TV. It was dreadful. Channing Tatum stars as a Roman general who wants to find out to his father's legion that went missing North of Hadrian's Wall twenty years or so previously. Setting off with his British slave, Jamie Bell, they travel to Scotland to recover the 'Eagle' - the standard of the missing legion, that is now in the hands of the savage natives.

I reckon whoever acted as a historical advisor on this should hand their money back. It was obtained under false pretenses. Apparently druids rode chariots into battle and Scotland was inhabited by 'painted people' who look more like Mohicans or the weird Mayan remnant in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Stand-out scene: A panning 'map-shot' or Roman Britain included Viriconium - now known as Wroxeter and about 15 miles from where I grew up. Seriously, that's the only bit worth watching for.
Rating: 2/10

Mean Girls
We watched this on DVD after being leant it by our friend, Clare. Lindsay Lohan plays Cady, a girl who is suddenly dropped into high school after years of being home educated on the African Savannah. There's some play there on how high school is a more hostile environment.

I'm sure everyone reading this will have seen Mean Girls. The main plot point is that Cady is adopted by the superficial queen-bitches of the school, known by their detractors as The Plastics. Initially intending to bring the Mean Girls down, Cady slowly morphs into one of them, until she realises what she has become.

With strong support from other great teen actors and Tina Fey as a teacher (she also wrote the screenplay), Mean Girls has a lot to say about the tribalism and sheer ferocity of school life. There are also a number of unexpected moments, most memorably involving a school bus.

Stand-out scene: The incident with the bus near the end.
Rating: 6/10

Thor: the Dark World
The Marvel / Avengers franchise spins on its merry way with this sequel to Thor. Much has been said on the film forums about Chris Hemsworth's (Thor) lack of charisma. Cathy argues that this works though, because in her view, most of the 'big gods' in the old pantheons were a bit dim anyway. Tom Hiddleston excels as Loki, the trickster and Thor's adopted brother, while Natalie Portman, as Thor's human love interest, Jane, had very little to do in the film, really, but did it quite well.

I'd like to see Natalie Portman actually lead a blockbuster. She has been a key figure in a few, but like the Star Wars prequels, her main role seems to be to give the hero something to think about and relate to. She's a better actress than that, but isn't given the space to show it.

The film is basically about the re-emergence of the Dark Elves, who want to destroy all nine worlds of the known multi-verse and re-establish the primordial darkness that existed beforehand. Thor and Loki have to team up to stop him. It fits nicely into the Marvel Avengers story arc and includes plenty of references to the other films, along with plenty of humour. There's also a marvellous cameo from one of the other Avengers.

Stand-out scene: Thor busts Loki out of the Asgardian prison, and one-by-one all his friends tell Loki that if he betrays Thor they will make him pay.
Rating: 7/10

The Pervert's Guide to Ideology
Bit of an odd one this. I went with my friend Ollie to Chapter to see it, at his suggestion. It's basically two hours of philosopher Slavoj Zizek deconstructing the 'ideology' that infuses our world (i.e. capitalism) with the aid of clips from famous movies.

It starts with clips from John Carpenter's 'They Live' to illustrate how ideology isn't a pair of glasses we put on. We actually have to put the glasses on to see the ideology that we don't otherwise notice. It then jumps incongruously to clips from the Sound of Music and and interesting critique of Catholicism as an institution, not as a faith.

I would probably have found this easier to watch in 15-20 minutes sections as I found my brain couldn't keep up with all the ideas knocking around in it. It is very cleverly shot, with Zizek 'inhabiting' various movie scenes to explain the ideology they contain. He confirms my disgust at The Dark Knight's nihilism, pulls apart the upper class parasitism on the working class as evidenced in Titanic, and uses long clips from Nazi and Soviet propaganda films to make further points.

Well worth a watch, but not an easy one. It left me with an awful lot of questions. I didn't really get the bit with the Kinder egg.

Stand-out scene: Using Willem Defoe's performance as Jesus in Martin Scorcese's Last Temptation of Christ, Zizek argues that the only path to true atheism is through Christianity, because in dying on the cross, Jesus set humanity free from dependence on God, and therefore humans are free to determine the meaning of their lives and actions. Big stuff.
Rating: 7/10