Limbo like totally sucks

Last week I spent most of the week working freelance in another office. I was set an interesting challenge: write a newspaper in just three days and if I had any time left over proofread some 'How to' guides that were being put together for the same International Forum that the newspaper is needed for.

This week I'm back in my regular office, where in the past month:

• 30+ people have been made redundant and told they will be leaving at the end of April (I'm one of them, although I opted for the voluntary redundancy package)
  
• It's been revealed that this has been on the cards since July last year
• Senior managers keep saying things like how they want to remain on good terms with everyone and make sure that events unfold in a spirit of Christian kindness (whatever), but then get arsey when anyone raises questions about their projections
• The people who are left are slowly beginning to panic about how things are going to work in the new structure
• Faith and confidence in the people at the top has been eroded to virtually nothing
  
• There are rumours that senior people have opted to quit than try to make the new structure work
• Rumours have just started the organisation is being audited this week ahead of a pending takeover by someone else (with no idea who that would be) [NB - I think this is just people making up rubbish, but who's to say]

Of the two offices guess where I enjoyed working most. Go on, guess!

So, anyways, on Monday we get to find out what the new structure will look like. Basically a zillion managers and no one to do any actual work, judging on who is leaving. There is a big emphasis on out-sourcing, so my entire team has been keelhauled. I give it a month before someone up top thinks 'Oh, shit, I've just realised how much they used to do...'

In one sense this situation works for me, because I wanted to leave. But truthfully I didn't want to go like this. Who would? There is a level of rancour and distrust building up and things are only going to get worse. The 'official' consultation period only starts on Monday. We have another 30 days of putting on brave Christian faces and swallowing cursewords in the presence of people who raise hackles or bile.

Inside, I've disinvested. I spent most of today shredding six years' worth of notes. I'm gone mentally already. I am counting the days until I go physically.

I don't want to get bitter. But already the defensiveness of senior managers and the fact that most of the workforce have been kept so much in the dark for so long about such severe cuts are beginning to get to me. Hence this blog post. I feel I have to say something. And maybe if you read this you'll get how I'm feeling and you won't have to ask me. We can talk about football, or the weather, or Nintendo Wii games, or anything really.

Of course, some people reading this might get mightily stroppy about it. The sage advice from my head of department was "Don't burn any bridges you may want to walk across later." Hmm. Well, I haven't said anything people who know me don't know about. And if you don't know me, I haven't told you where I work.

There have been three occasions when I have very nearly just walked out on this job. Each time I relented and gradually the feelings have ebbed. But this time I have this feeling when I leave it will be with a sense of relief not regret. And I won't look back. My departure will be final.

I never wanted to leave in bad blood but sometimes other people make life bloody.