from Pantperthog to Knockando

Thursday, April 02, 2015

The barmiest piece of unsolicited mail ever

Back when I worked in a faith-based family charity we had an elderly guy write to us pitching his book. His basic premise was that the church was dying out because Christians weren't having enough children. He felt this was an urgent problem that he could do very little about because, as he explained, he was 89, as was his wife who had been severely incapacitated by a stroke.

It was my job to write back to him and decline the pitch. The other thing I remember was he felt contraception was one reason Christians didn't have large families any more. The chapter title for that was "And the Devil Waved a Condom".

That was probably the craziest piece of unsolicited post I've ever been sent, until today, when I got this.


It's 16 pages of unconnected ramblings about God that seems to think it's proven the existence of the Almighty. The key 'proof' is that human beings have evolved and sources of food have evolved and the likelihood of both evolving is so unlikely there must be a God. Convinced, yet? No, me neither.

Here are some sample bits from the document. This is a very odd introductory semi-disclaimer.


Yes, why did you invent it? Well, anyway, I'm sure your Mum and Dad are proud. Then there's this non-sequitur...


Yes, you've dismissed the equation of God and so we need the electric chair. Huh? Next up there's some quality scientific reasoning.


It's about science! And then we have this last bit which has the most bizarre concluding sentence ever.


So, cats getting thirsty is evidence for God. I think. Who knows what he means there?

Anyway, the whole thing concludes with a plea for assistance in getting this published and given to every schoolchild in the land. Tempting as it is to get back in touch and see if there is any more laugh out loud nonsense to read, I don't have to (unlike devil-waving-condom guy), so I think I might let this pass.

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